My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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