everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize