Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
