Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
