new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
