It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Randomize
