barbara walters just said penis...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
