we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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