I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
