We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
