I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Randomize
