So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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