Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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