operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
