But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
a search helicopter?!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
