you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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