I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
