bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
