I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
