It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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