was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
