Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
