either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
