i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
