Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Can Purell be used as lube?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
