I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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