I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
