get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
organizing the empties. That sober.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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