The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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