This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
bring money and cleavage
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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