I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
