I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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