There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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