When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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