A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
