someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
