I bet he comes in French.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
