Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
