I want to make a zoo with you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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