Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
