You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
