need another drink. this is the easiest way
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
