Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
