You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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