Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
