if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
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Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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