dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Randomize
