YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
