i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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