the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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