Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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