the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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