ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
