So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
