The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
