Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
