they need to just BURY HIM!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
