i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
