we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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