he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
