Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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