You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
