Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
