I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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