I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
