the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
